I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
