There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
