Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
