I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
