Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
