On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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