Plan B is the new Plan A
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
