we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
