So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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