he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
