I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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