Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
