i think my tv is drunk
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
