walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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