I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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