he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
