Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
