And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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