how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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