Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You took a bar mat shot.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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