apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
