Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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