just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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