Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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