i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
