Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
