I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
