Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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