Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
