He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
