I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
