Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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