Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
