i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
