remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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