how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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