doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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