i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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