why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
