My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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