Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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