I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
