just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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