Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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