There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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