I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
