she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
