i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
