Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
