i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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