my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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