My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
