Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
