Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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