No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
