Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
