Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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