we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
