we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
