is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
