remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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