She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Send help, water and tortillas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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