I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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