i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You are the jesus of drinking
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
