dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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