I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
