she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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