i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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