Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
