Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
