Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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