There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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