hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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