look no pants
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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