dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
