everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
